The Uninspired Tale of the Titans
by Lihau
Summary: I need a story to post and get help from an unlikely source, A.K.A. Speedy. Chapters 9 & 10 posted! Please R&R!
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects. In fact, after this chapter I won't even own this story. Woohoo!

**The Uninspired Tale of the Titans**

_Introduction_

Hello, all. Lihau here. Yeah, I haven't ventured into the Titans section of FanFiction for a while. That would be because I have no ideas. So I'll just type what is going on in the Titans' headquarters right now…

Nothing.

Nothing's happening because I have no ideas of what to write.

Oh, wait. Speedy's just walked in. The little so-and-so. I would say something else about him, but my mom would probably sic Superman on me if I used that kind of language…

I look up from my PC and smile sweetly at the archer, who is completely oblivious that I just called him a so-and-so, and that I would have called him much worse had it not been for my desire to keep all of my limbs intact.

"Hi, Speedy," I greet him, still pretending like I think he's the greatest thing since the crayon sharpener.

"Yeah, whatever," he replies carelessly. I can tell that he is bored out of his rude little mind. Well, I guess that rudeness is partially Green Arrow's fault, since he's such a rotten mentor.

Speedy leans an elbow on the top of my chair and looks at what I'm typing… which could mean trouble if he decides to read the part about my thinking he's a—

Yup, there it is. He's _really_ ticked now.

"What the heck?! You don't have any dorky ideas to turn into stories?!"

Oh, good… he didn't read very much…

"_I'll_ take care of that! You buzz off for a few hours and _I'll_ write something!"

_HUH?_

"Go on! Let's see," he starts muttering to himself, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "What should I call it? 'The Adventures of the Greatest Titan Ever, A.K.A. Speedy'?"

_…?_

"Nah, too long."

"Uh, Arrows?" I interrupt carefully.

"Yeah, what?" he asks absently, still thinking aloud of what to name his—_MY_—new story. In his musings for a title, I think he might have mentioned something about his being the real leader of the Titans, and that Robin is just a puppet leader, but… anyway.

"I already have a title for my story," I explain, still speaking warily. "And that's just what it is, actually. This is _my story_. Not _your story_. _My story_. …Okay?"

Speedy stops looking pensive and stares at me. Which is kinda unnerving, considering that he's been clutching his bow and an arrow this entire time and now he's pointing them at me…

"Um, Speedy?" I meekly ask. "You aren't gonna shoot me… are you?"

The archer puts his arrow back in his quiver and shakes his head. "No. But I _do_ really want to write a story."

_What the heck?_

"Well… Birdboy's been getting on my back about my grades in English lately, and he's given me this stupid writing assignment to 'hone' my 'authoring skills'… so… I need to write something.

"I need to write. You need a story to post. So I'll write your little story and send a copy to Batbreath, and then I'll let you post it if he gives me a good grade. Okay?"

'Okay'? Come to think of it, this is great! A story written by Speedy! And _I'll_ get to post it!

"Are you kidding me?! That's awesome! Write! Please!"

Okay, people, from now on this is Speedy's story! I gotta go running around the streets like a maniac, screaming at the top of my lungs that _I_ get to post something written by a _Teen Titan_!


	2. The Bird Defeathered

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Titans, however I am a member of the team and am therefore part owner. Well, except for the comics and TV shows and movies and merchandise and stuff. I sold the rights to DC Comics and a few other companies for a nice hunk of change. ...Just don't tell Robin. He doesn't know yet...

**The Uninspired Tale of the Titans**

_**The Bird Defeathered**_

_By Speedy_

All was silent on the Western front. Or at least in Speedy's quarters at Titans' Tower. As usual, he was thinking, ingenious soul that he is. This time he was thinking about life. To be specific, the particularly unfair aspects of life were rolling across his expansive brain.

Still thinking brilliant thoughts, the archer stood and exited his room, which was far too small for the true leader of the Titans.

Yes, folks, you heard it here first. Speedy was the real boss of the phenomenal group of young heroes known as the Teen Titans. Although Robin is known as and seems to act like this organization's leader, Speedy was the one with the real power. Robin was nothing more than a puppet ruler. I suppose that that would make Speedy something of a tyrannous jerk, but his stupendous characteristics far outweigh his slightly quirky ones, so we can all forgive him.

At least we'd better if we don't want a boxing-glove-arrow in the gut.

Now where were we… ah, yes. Speedy, the true leader of the Titans, was walking to the training room to work out. And something else, too.

Speedy entered the training room, closing the door behind him. A voice from near one of the punching bags called his name and the archer approached the walking traffic light.

"Hi," said Robin. "What am I supposed to say at the meeting?" he asked, wanting instruction, which he received a moment later.

"Okay," nodded the brightly-clad second half of the Bat. "When should I call the meeting to order?"

"Gimme five minutes," decided Speedy. He patted the shorty puppet on the shoulder. "Go look busy until it's time for the meeting."

"Sure." And the bird left the archer to his training.

"I heard that."

Speedy turned around quickly and realized that the Amazon princess was standing in the doorway.

"Heard what?" he wondered, feigning innocence. Which he did well since he was an awesome actor. Hey, he didn't call California his home for nothing.

"What was that all about?" Wonder Girl continued, walking further into the room. "What were you and Robin doing?"

"What'd it _look_ like, Wonder Babe? We were _talking_."

I was going to insert another scene here, which involved Speedy and Wonder Girl making out, however I changed my mind. Mainly because Wonder Girl is peeking over my shoulder as I type this and said that, if I didn't delete several lines, she would beat my brains out through my toes. I don't think she really could or would do that, but my life is too valuable a thing to play around with.

So I will just say that Robin called the meeting to order a couple of minutes later, and the archer and the Amazon went to the meeting room. And everyone kept their brains as far away from their toes as was normal.

The meeting went precisely as planned, no thanks to the terrible incompetence that was the puppet ruler. But nobody suspected that Speedy was the real leader of the team, so everything was okay.

There weren't any emergency calls after the meeting, so Speedy decided to kill some time by picking on the wimpy Atlantean.

Once again, I was going to insert a scene here, but I once again changed my mind. This time it was because Aqualad chanced a peek at this document and was giving the oh-so-innocent author just about the dirtiest look possible. I started to type the scene, but I ended up deleting it because the Fish Stick made me.

Actually, I think he might have punched me in the arm, too, when I called him something that I guess could kinda-sorta-maybe be called rude. But it's hard to tell because my arm is too numb to feel anything.

This is getting really frustrating. I mean, come on! These people won't let me type ANYTHING. It's just a creative writing assignment, for Pete's sake!

Oh, look. Here comes Kid Flash. Probably gonna read this, too. Well, here's a special message for _him_:

BUZZ OFF.

I think he looked a little offended for some reason, but he poked his tongue out at me and left.

Finally. Alone.

…Except for Robin.

Agh! I'm going to my quarters to finish this!

-

So now I'm in my quarters, where I can't be disturbed by anybody.

Unfortunately, I was getting inspiration by typing in the meeting room. So now I don't have anything else to write for this stupid assignment. Maybe I'll watch TV for a while…

-

That TV thing was a great idea! They were airing this ancient sitcom called _Gilligan's Island_, and the episode included stuff about—yup!—puppet rulers! It was in a dream sequence, and that's a great idea for this story!

A _dream sequence_!

Nobody can pick on me for writing about dreams! You can't control dreams—they just happen! So, on with the dream sequence!

-

Speedy suddenly felt very tired after spending almost half an hour heckling Fish Boy. He would've continued heckling, but AquaWimp decided to go for a swim, and it's really hard to heckle people underwater.

So the archer lay down on the couch of the rec room, opting to take a nap. This is where the unstoppable dream sequence takes place!

-

_Speedy looked around, wondering where he was._

_"You're anywhere you wanna be," Robin answered his unasked question._

_The archer stared weirdly at the bat-breathed bird. Was Robin swinging past him on a set of strings? Huh. The bird looked like the marionette he was._

_"Hey, I'm not a marionette. I'm a puppet."_

_Stop answering me! I'm not even saying anything!_

_"Well, there's no need to be rude," commented Robin, muttering as he swung away._

_"I gotta be dreaming," Speedy mumbled, smacking himself on the side of the head._

_"You are," a girl's voice informed him. Wonder Girl suddenly swung into view in the same way that Robin had._

_"Hey, you aren't a puppet! Robin is!"_

_"This is a dream, dude. Anything can happen."_

_And so it could. I mean, since when did Wonder Girl call Speedy "dude"?_

_"Since now. Besides, it's better than calling you a dud, right?"_

_Speedy nodded confusedly and watched as Wonder Girl swung off. He then looked on as Aqualad, also supported by strings, swung up to him._

_"Why's everybody besides me like a puppet?" Speedy asked._

_"What do you mean, 'besides you'?" the Atlantean demanded in an uncharacteristically rude voice. "Look." Gill Head took out a mirror from nowhere and held it up in front of the archer._

_"I'm a puppet, too?!"_

_"Well, duh." Aqualad put the mirror back into the nothingness from which it came, and then turned around, swinging away on his strings._

_Speedy repeated to himself, "I'm a puppet. …I'M A PUPPET! I'm too… too… ME to be a puppet!"_

_"Look on the bright side," Kid Flash suggested as he swung forward. "Now _you're_ a puppet ruler, too!" And the annoying speedster swung away quickly._

_"I don't want to be a puppet ruler! No! I don't want to be a puppet ruler! No…"_

-

"I don't wanna be a puppet ruler…"

"You're not," Robin's voice interrupted Speedy's dream—that is, nightmare.

Speedy sat bolt upright. "Huh? What?"

"_I'm_ a puppet ruler. But I don't want to be anymore."

"Hey, are you mutinying?"

"No. I'm resigning. You're the real leader, Speedy. I'm quitting the Titans."

_I think this nightmare just turned into a dream come true!_

"Alright! Go pack, Bird Boy! You gonna tell everyone?"

Robin hesitated. "I guess I have to."

"Aw_right_!"

And so Robin confessed that he was really just a puppet ruler and was totally humiliated for the rest of his life. The other Titans unanimously voted Speedy to be their new leader, and the archer lived happily ever after, laughing in Green Arrow's face how the sidekick was the leader of a group while the mentor was not.

_**The End**_

_(And you'd better review.)_


	3. The Feathers Ruffled

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Titans or any related characters or objects. And, Speedy? You are in it deep.

**The Uninspired Tale of the Titans**

_**The Feathers Ruffled**_

_By Robin_

Okay, Speedy, I read your little story. Puppet ruler, eh? I'll have to admit that that's _extremely_ creative. It's so creative, in fact, that I am beyond being "furious" at the moment. Actually, I am livid and quite close to stalking over to you _right now_ and bashing your ingenious brains out through your toes. I'm actually so mad that I might even be able to do it.

Remember your ending? You know, where I am totally humiliated for the rest of my life? I found that funny. Ha, ha. See? I'm laughing. I think that Aqualad is laughing, too, and Wonder Girl is also giggling a bit.

Wonder Girl is watching me as I type, and she's just informed me that she'd like to get in a few thoughts on your little story. So here's Wonder Girl.

-

_**The Feathers and Tar**_

_By Wonder Girl_

First, let me assure the readers that there is _no truth whatsoever_ in Speedy's story. Robin is not a puppet leader, Aqualad is not a wimp, and I would never call anybody "dude" or "a dud".

I may never call a person a dud, but I will call an object a dud. An excellent example of this would be Speedy's story. That is a dud.

There is an old torture that I have heard of, which was used during the American Revolutionary era. It is called "tar and feathers". If it were not for the fact that I still, for whatever reason, consider Speedy my friend, I would not be typing this at the moment. Instead, I would be out purchasing feathers and tar.

Luckily, Speedy is my friend. So the worst he'll get is a punch in the stomach. See how truly fortunate you are to have me as a friend, Speedy?

-

_Robin_

I think Wonder Girl just went to find you, Speedy, to give you that punch in the stomach she promised. I may join her in a minute, but for now I think I'll let Aqualad do a little venting.

-

_**The Feathers Clipped**_

_By Aqualad_

Ah, my friend Speedy. There is so much I would like to say to you, but where—O, where?—to begin? Let's make a list of phrases that I am currently considering making my motto.

1: I hate your guts.

2: Take a long walk off a short pier.

3: Take a hike. In one direction.

4: Die.

But here is my personal favorite:

5: Run. Fast.

-

_Robin_

I believe that Kid Flash also has a few words to say to you, Arrows.

-

_**The Feathers Fly**_

_By Kid Flash_

I kinda liked that last motto that Gillhead was considering.

-

_Robin_

Well, Speedy, it seems like the only thing left for me to do at the moment is to tell you your grade, huh?

**_F_**. _Minus_.

Try again. And this time, you have to write _non-fiction_.


	4. The Sad Story of my Life

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects. And for some reason, Robin's still really ticked that I sold the television and comic book rights to DC and a coupla other companies...

**The Uninspired Tale of the Titans**

_**The Sad Story of my Life**_

_A Non-Fiction Story by Speedy_

My life stinks.

I don't even know how I'm typing this. Actually, I do—with one finger. The rest of me hurts too much to do anything. And why do I hurt so much? Because four of my teammates decided to try and beat me up, that's why!

And why did they try to beat me up? Because of a piddling little _fictional_ story that I wrote! I mean, it's not like I was trying to pass anything off as the truth! What's _with_ those people?!

This… is non-fiction.

This… is the Sad Story of my Life.

-

In summary of the first few years of my life, I was born. I lived. I grew.

…Okay, so I'm still living and growing, so that part hasn't changed much, but let's not overcomplicate things.

Now that we've covered my life up to the Teen Titans, I can get to the part that I feel like typing right now.

Right now I'm sitting on the rec room couch, typing this. Kid Flash is showing Aqualad a videogame, but Gillhead is totally whooping KF because the speedster keeps pausing to glare at me. I think that Tunabreath has gotten over the little story thing, so he's just concentrating on the game, and seems happy to be winning.

How dare he be happy?! He's just tried to murder me! That guy would make a good supervillain; sometimes I'd swear to that. But I'd better not do any swearing now, or I'll get my socks knocked off 'cause Robin's got this stupid rule about not using bad language in stuff written for the general public.

Anyway, where were

-

This is Robin. I did not like the direction in which Speedy's story seemed to be headed, so I am terminating it here and now. Instead, _I_ will show Speedy how a story _should_ be written.

I do need a little help in deciding what to write about, though. So I've decided that it might be a good idea if you, the readers, could help me out a bit. All you have to do is review. Along with your standard review, leave one special word. The word can be anything so long as it isn't rude, crude, or just plain disgusting. If I like your word, I'll try to write a story that has something to do with it. Sound good? Then please review with your word, and thank you in advance.

Regards,

Robin


	5. Flying: Based on a True Story

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects.

**Special Thanks:** A nice big "Thank-you" goes out to Protector of Canon2 and DC's Princess, for suggesting inspiring words.

**Apology:** I'm really sorry I took so long to post this, but Batman and I had one heck of a time nabbing the Joker. Believe me, it's hard to type and run at the same time.

**Sense of Humor:** Yes, I do have one. I am proving this once and for all by poking a bit of fun at myself. I do this by calling myself a sometimes-insulting nickname. Can you find the nickname? It starts with "walking" and ends with "traffic light".

_**Flying: Based on a True Story**_

_By Robin_

It's funny how things change. Sometimes for the worse. Sometimes for the better, like when I first became Batman's sidekick. Even though it's only been about four or five years since I took flight for the first time, there are already plenty of memories imprinted on my brain, some of them more easily recalled than others.

One of the ones that I have no trouble remembering was the first real injury I got as Robin. To stick with the bird puns, it was a broken wing. And everyone knows that a bird can't fly with just one wing…

-

Like a nine-year-old, though, Robin was still optimistic and ready to go out on patrol despite this. So, when it was late enough, he completely forgot the book he'd been reading and went to the Batcave, still out of costume, deciding to hang around until it was time to go. It wasn't until Batman came down and got into the Batmobile—saying _good-bye_—that it registered.

He wasn't going to say it.

He wasn't going to say that it was time to fly.

"Batman," Robin called, but it was too late. The vehicle was long gone.

Although he actually knew why the Dark Knight had left alone, he wasn't quite ready to admit that he was physically unfit for crime-fighting. Because of this bit of stubbornness on the Boy Wonder's part, he murmured to no-one in particular, "He forgot me." A couple of appropriate words for this emotion would be "mild devastation".

Robin sat down at the chair in front of the Bat-Computer, sulking a bit, vaguely toying with the idea of chewing out his mentor upon his return. Of course the Gotham youth would never actually do that unless he wanted to risk getting into some serious trouble, but it was a somewhat comforting idea nonetheless.

One of the least comforting things that could possibly happen occurred just then—a streak of yellow and red barreled into the Batcave, startling Robin into falling off his chair and smacking his broken left arm against the hard, unfinished, natural floor.

It hurt.

A lot.

And at that moment he was making that announcement quite loudly.

"Robin! Wow-I'm-so-sorry-I-really-didn'-mean-it-honest-are-you-okay?!"

"I didn't understand a word you said," Robin replied through gritted teeth, "and I don't really care. _Ow_…"

Just lying on top of that broken arm was certainly not doing any good, so he asked for some assistance in getting up.

"Yeah-yeah-of-course-sorry!"

_YANK!_

"AGH! _Slowly_!"

"Sorry!" As Kid Flash, a new friend, helped Robin to his feet, he asked, "What happened to your arm? I thought that maybe you'd just hit it really hard but then I saw that you already had a bandage on your arm and—omigosh!

"You-prob'ly-sprained-it-or-somethin'-an'-now-I-broke-it-for-you-an'-oh-wow-I'm-a-rotten-friend-I've-only-known-you-jus'-two-days-an'-I-already-broke-your-arm-an'-if-I-already-broke-your-arm-after-jus'-two-days-imagine-what-I'll-do-in-two-years-I'll-I'll-I'll-prob'ly-KILL-YOU!!!"

Once again, the speedster's rapid speech had run right past the Bat's sidekick. The next thing Robin knew, Kid Flash was on his knees, grabbing the hem of the black-haired youth's t-shirt, begging hastily for forgiveness.

"Please—PLEASE!!—forgive me! I—hey, you aren't in costume!"

"That's because I broke my arm and Batman won't let me go on patrol," Robin grumbled. "Now get up." Needless to say, he was not in a good mood. At all. Unfortunately, this only made Kid Flash think his friend was mad at _him_.

"Please forgive me," he pleaded.

"It wasn't your fault," was the _slightly_ snappish reply. "Just don't come crashin' in here like that again."

"YES! Yes, I promise!" sighed the Mid-Westerner in relief.

"And while we're talking about your grand entrance, would you mind telling me how you knew where the Batcave was? I didn't think Batman told its location to the Flash."

"Batcave?" he echoed.

"Yes. Batcave."

"_This_ is the _Batcave_?!"

"Well, duh," Robin muttered sourly, cradling his poor, poor arm as he sat down on the chair he'd occupied before Kid Flash's arrival.

"WOW! I'm-in-the-Batcave-I-cant-believe-I'm-actu'lly-in-the-BATCAVE!"

"Are you trying to say something?"

Kid Flash was beaming as he bounced up and down ecstatically. He zoomed around the cave a couple of times before returning to his previous position. Let the reader note that, throughout his excited dash about the Batcave, the speedster was jabbering on about something at a speed rivaling his feet.

"I can't b'lieve I'm actu'lly in the _Batcave_!!!" he finally exclaimed at a comprehendible rate.

Robin took a moment to let it sink in. "So what you're saying," he began slowly, "is that you found the Batcave _by accident_?"

"Yeah! I was coming over to Gotham to see if I could find you and ask if I could just hang out with you while you patrolled. I was searching all over and I saw the Batmobile coming out of a _huge rock_!"

"Cliff. It's a _cliff_. A _rock_ is what I sometimes want to beat Speedy over the head with."

"Oh, right. Me, too. Anyway, I decided to just see where the Batmobile came from—you know, just for kicks, in case I could find the Batcave. And I DID! And it's AWESOME! You and Batman have got to have the coolest hideout EVER!"

"Batman," Robin sighed, putting a hand to his forehead, "is going to have a fit."

"Why? What'd ya do?"

"Not _me_! _You_!"

"Me?" wondered the speedster. "What'd I do?"

"You found the Batcave! By accident, no less!" The Boy Wonder snickered in spite of himself. "And he thinks this place is so well-hidden…"

"You—you _really_ think he'll be mad at me, Robbie?"

"Don't call me 'Robbie'."

"Rob?"

"Robin. And yes. Even if he doesn't show it while you're around, he's gonna be pretty ticked off."

Kid Flash gulped nervously before suddenly brightening up. "Hey, d'ya think that if I left _right now_ and we didn't say anything about this, he'd still know that I knew where the Batcave is?"

"He's _Batman_!" Robin insisted exasperatedly. "He'd find out _some_how."

"Yeah, I guess so…. Promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"You'll bring an American flag to my gravesite every fourth of July."

"He won't _kill_ you!" exclaimed Robin. "Give you a dirty look, maybe, but not _kill_."

The Flash's junior partner sighed in relief. "Oh… that's good."

"Yeah. Do you want to go find him and confess that you've discovered the Batcave, now?"

"No way—! Uh, that is, I think I'd rather stay with you," Kid Flash corrected himself, smiling and patting the other boy on the shoulder.

"Mm-hmm," Robin smirked. "And do what? I doubt if _you_ can sit still for five minutes and _I_ can't do anything that might hurt my arm more. That's why Batman won't let me 'fly' tonight."

"Oooooooooohhh!" shouted the Fastest Boy Alive. "I know! I met a girl yesterday! Wonder Girl!"

"Any relation to Wonder Woman?" Robin asked.

"Yeah! I think they're, like, sisters or something. Anyway, I just got this _totally awesome_ idea!"

"Oh, really?"

"You're gonna flip out when ya hear it!" Kid Flash beamed, starting to walk around in a tight circle, grinning ecstatically.

"I bet."

The speedster began gesticulating wildly with his arms, seemingly oblivious to the Gothamite's rather sarcastic comments.

KF continued, "I mean, this is probably the awesomest idea I ever had!"

"Is 'awesomest' even a word…?"

"Oh, boy, this is so great I can hardly—!"

"Care to share?" Robin interrupted pointedly.

"Don't worry, Bird Boy!" Kid Flash exclaimed rapturously. "We'll have you flying before the night's over!"

"Don't call me B—!"

The complaint was ended abruptly when Batman's junior partner noticed that the red-haired speed-demon had already zipped away to who-knows-where.

After a moment of taking in the fact that his visitor was gone, Robin muttered, "Well, 'good-bye' to you, too…."

-

"We're back! Hey, Robbie, you still here?! Wait here, I'll find him. He's gotta be around here some—"

"Boo!"

"YIPE!"

Kid Flash fell backwards, landing on his rear end. Looking up, the Central City hero gave Robin a questioning look and demanded, "What was _that_ for?"

"Thought I'd repay your oh-so-subtle entrance from earlier," explained Robin. "And why are you still calling me 'Robbie'?"

Ignoring the question, Kid Flash appeared to completely forget the Boy Wonder's greeting. Instead, he said, "Rob, this is Wonder Girl. Wonder Girl, Robin. Now that you've met, let's go."

"Whoa, Twinkletoes," Robin protested. "Go where?"

"'Twinkletoes'?" Kid Flash wondered, once again not seeming to have heard the question.

"Don't evade the question!"

"What's 'evade'?"

"Avoid! Don't avoid the question!"

"What question?"

"The ones I keep asking!"

"_What_ ones you keep—?"

"Boys," Wonder Girl finally spoke, putting an end to the potentially never-ending exchange. Her black ponytail followed her head as it shook back and forth in something like partial amusement. "Do you really have to go on like that?"

"What?" asked Kid Flash, once again missing the group of words that terminated in a question mark.

"Kid Flash, I'd like to introduce _you_ to a friend of _mine_," Robin stated. "Pay close attention, now…"

"When do I not?"

Robin sighed. "Have you ever heard of 'listening comprehension skills'? No? Well, I'm sure that you and those skills could get to be _very good friends_ if you'd START LISTENING!"

Kid Flash was silent for a moment. He finally said, "I'm starting to get the feeling that you're _annoyed_ with me for some reason…"

"AGH!"

Wonder Girl looked sympathetically at the dark-haired boy. She then glanced to the Fastest Boy Alive when she realized that he was snickering incessantly.

"What's so funny?" she wanted to know.

"You and Robin!" he sniggered. "But mostly Robbie!" The redhead turned to Robin. "You got _so mad_…!"

"Hold on a minute," Robin said. "Do you mean that you _pretended_ not to hear all those questions _on purpose_?"

"Well, I didn't pretend not to hear them by accident!" Kid Flash chortled. "…Are you mad at me?"

…

"Don't worry, KF. I'll put an American flag on your grave every fourth of July."

"…Guess so." Kid Flash began rambling nervously, "I-really-didn'-mean-to-make-ya-mad-honest-it-was-just-a-joke-ya-know-ha-ha-ha-ha-and-I-thought-you'd-think-it-was-funny-but-I-guess-not-and—"

"What he _means_," Wonder Girl interjected, "is that he doesn't want you to kill him until _after_ you find out what his 'awesome' idea is. Believe me," she smiled. "Once you find out what it is, you won't want to kill him at all."

"Yeah, Rob—in. Rob_in_. Robin!" Kid Flash grinned anxiously. "You won't want to kill me at all! Let us show you my awesome idea! Please-please-please-let-us-show-you-my-brilliant-awesome-amazing-idea-please-please-please-please—"

"Alright!" Robin cut him off. "Show me."

Kid Flash's smile turned from concerned to euphoric in a record 0.00000000000000001 nanosecond. "Yay! Let's go!"

"I want an answer this time—_go where_?"

"You'll see," replied Kid Flash exultantly.

"That is," put in Wonder Girl, "unless you're afraid of heights."

"Nooo… should I be?" asked Robin warily.

"No—"

"Yep!" interrupted Kid Flash. "Be afraid. Be very afraid. Now get into your Robin costume!"

"Why?" the Bat's sidekick demanded.

"Well, unless you want all of Gotham to see you… whoever you are… out of costume and with me and Wonder Girl…"

"Fine," sighed Robin, understanding the speedster's insinuation. "I'll put it on the best I can."

Robin went into the changing room and came out a moment later, mask in his hand and tunic hanging loose over his left shoulder. The green undershirt was also worn over his broken arm—proof of an inability to maneuver it through sleeves.

"Could one of you button up the tunic a little and put my mask on for me?" Robin grudgingly asked for assistance.

"Of course," Wonder Girl replied, reaching for the mask and securing it around her new acquaintance's head. She then secured both ends of the tunic together with about two clasps, leaving the garment so that it acted as a second sling, cradling the broken left arm close to its owner.

"Thanks."

"No problem," the Amazon girl assured him. With no warning whatsoever, she grinned, "I hope you aren't ticklish."

"Ticklish… not particularly… _why_?"

"You'll see," Kid Flash answered, clearly enjoying himself. "Let's go!"

-

"We are on the roof of the tallest building in Gotham City. You two are grinning like maniacs. Okay, I admit it. I'm _more_ than a little afraid."

"Re_lax_, Bird Boy," smiled Kid Flash. "You're gonna _love_ it."

"Love what? The experience of plunging to my doom?"

Wonder Girl laughed. "Don't worry, Robin." She patted his head and teased, "I don't know you _well_ enough to want to kill you."

"This is all very reassuring, guys, but I'd like to just get your little surprise overwith. Oh, and for the record? I'd really prefer to get home with my head in one piece, if you don't mind."

"We'll put a flag on your grave every fourth of July—I mean," Kid Flash amended. "Everything's gonna be just _fine_." He smirked.

"Fine for whom?"

"Just stand on the edge of the roof," Wonder Girl instructed. She glanced briefly at Kid Flash to ask, "Right?"

"Yep, edge of the roof," confirmed the speedster.

"Why?" Robin reiterated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

The other two chorused, "Just do it!"

"Fine," sighed the Boy Wonder, obeying the order for reasons even _he_ didn't know.

A moment later, two hands rested on either side of Robin's waist, keeping a firm hold on their victim.

"I don't think I'm ready for this kind of relationship," joked the victim, half-nervously.

One hand moved up to gently bop him upside the head. "Oh, knock it off." The hand, decorated at the wrist with a metal band identical to the one circling the other wrist, returned to its previous position. Wonder Girl finally asked, "Ready?"

"To die?"

"No," Kid Flash answered, a few feet behind the other two. "To _fly_."

Apparently this was a cue of some sort, as Wonder Girl, still holding the walking, wounded traffic light securely, moved a bit. A few seconds later, Robin realized that his feet were no longer planted securely on the roof.

"Where'd the ground go?!"

Wonder Girl laughed. "Calm down—_you_ were the one who wanted to fly, or so Kid Flash told me."

"We—oh." Robin was silent for a few moments, knowing how idiotic his near-panicked question must have sounded.

Actually, this was pretty nice. Just seeing the city—_his_ city—passing by underneath him. After concentrating so long on training with Batman, the feeling of being free and just doing something for the pure enjoyment had been almost forgotten.

Robin promised himself never to forget it again.

This was incredible.

He was _flying_.

His wings seemed to understand the reason for the prolonged quiet, or at least was considerate of the silence, and simply continued transporting her passenger over Gotham City, going for a tour of the entire metropolis.

After an unknown length of time, the journey finally ended where it had begun—at the top of Wayne Enterprises.

Kid Flash was very obviously eager to hear Robin's reaction, but managed to subdue his enthusiasm for the moment. He asked quietly, "Did you enjoy your flight?"

"Yeah," Robin murmured. "It… it was…." He smiled. "Awesome."

The Fastest Boy Alive beamed. "Hey, did I lie? You don't need wings to fly!"

"No, but I've got them anyway."

Wonder Girl shared a confused look with the speedster.

"You guys," Robin clarified.

"Aww, that's so _nice_," Kid Flash grinned back, "that I'd be cryin' if I was any younger."

The Amazon smiled at Robin, too, and said, "I think we're _all_ going to be great friends."

"Hey, we already are," argued Kid Flash.

"Well, not _great_ friends," Robin disagreed. "…_Awesome_ friends."

As soon as they were back on the street, walking to the Batcave, Wonder Girl commented, "You know, we'd make a great team. Maybe we should get together and form sort of a… junior Justice League."

…

"Nah!" Kid Flash laughed.

Robin shook his head in good-natured agreement. "It'll never happen."

-

But boy, was I ever wrong. I've got Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, Aqualad, Speedy…

I've got my wings now.

And I'm never landing.

**_The End_**


	6. The Wrath of Batman, Part One

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Teen Titans. Or Wal-Mart. Don't ask.

**Chapter Summary:** And you thought that the wrath of _Khan_ was scary...

**Author's Note:** Hi, this is Kid Flash! I'm really sorry that I took so long but it isn't really my fault… actually it is, because I kinda typed-so-fast-I-broke-the-keyboard (cough). So then I forgot what I'd written except that it was _really good_ so then I had to figure out what to type that was at least as good as the original copy. Okay, so I know the story because it _really happened_, but I phrased the first draft _really good_, and hopefully this version is at least half as good.

I still haven't finished my story but I didn't wanna keep you waiting any longer, so I've decided to post my story in parts. Here's the first part.

-

_**The Wrath of Batman**_

_or_

_**Falling: An Unfortunately Very True Story**_

_**PART ONE**_

_By Kid Flash_

Well, that warm fuzzy ending that Robbie wrote couldn't possibly last very long. Even though I'd kinda—partially—almost—fine.

Even though I'd totally forgotten that Batman was gonna beat the kangaroos out of my top paddock, I was gonna be reminded about accidentally discovering the Batcave _very soon_.

-

Robin, Wonder Girl, and I—the unofficial pre-Teen Titans—were hanging out on the JLA Satellite when the Boy Wonder asked me when I was planning to tell Batman about _**IT**_.

"Me?" I replied. "Why can't _you_ ask him?"

"_You're_ the one that barged in," Robin pointed out.

"_You're_ his sidekick."

"_You_ should tell him," we chorused before glaring at each other.

I insisted, "He'll be less likely to kill us if _you_ tell 'im."

"Why don't you both tell him?" Wonder Girl suggested diplomatically. Ah. Spoken as one whose life was not in danger.

"Tell him what?" Aqualad, who'd we just met yesterday, wondered as he entered the rec room. He was quick to add, "If you do not mind telling me."

"Promise you won't tattle?" I demanded.

"I pro—what is 'tattle'?"

"Tell anybody else," Robin explained.

"I promise."

"Fine," I nodded. Taking a deep breath, I blurted out, "I-accident'ly-found-the-Batcave-it's-really-neat-too-but-that's-not-the-point-the-point-is-that-I-found-it-an'-I-wasn't-s'posed-to-so-now-I'm-in-trouble-with-Batman-but-not-jus'-trouble-'cause-there's-no-such-thing-as-jus'-bein'-in-trouble-with-Batman-you-can-only-be-in-REALLY BIG-trouble-with-'im!"

Robin, apparently thinking that my speech was not quite understandable, summarized, "He accidentally found the Batcave. That's bad."

Funny, it had never occurred to me to put it like that. That was… so… _concise_.

"What he said," I agreed.

"I heard of someone else who found the Batcave once. They never heard from him again."

"I-DON'-BELIEVE-YOU-BE-QUIET!" I yelled, knowing who it was before I even turned around.

The archer shrugged and I glowered. I still hadn't quite forgiven him for yesterday's incident. The one where he'd freaked me out by informing me that babies came from Wal-Mart®. Please, don't make me explain why I believed him, 'cause I don't know. Pardon me for a moment while I go bury my head in shame...

Okay, I'm back.

And yes, this was Speedy who grinned and said, "So you found the Batcave, huh? Where is it?"

Robin glared at him, saying, "You'd just love to know, wouldn't you?"

"And have Batman at my throat?" he snorted. "No, thanks!"

Still just a teeny bit petrified, I begged, "Please, guys! Help me! I don't wanna be killed by Batman-I-really-don'-I'm-too-young-to-be-killed-yougottahelpmeI'lldoanythin'!"

"He won't kill you," Wonder Girl assured me.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. And Superman is a nerd with glasses," I said sarcastically.

"Don't even _joke_ like that," protested Speedy in defense of his idol. "Superman… is _Superman_!"

For whatever reason, Robin found this funny and started snickering. Arrows and I scowled at him, and Green Arrow's sidekick snapped, "Inside joke?"

Robin just shook his head and laughed. And I still don't know what the heck he was laughing at… unless…

Maybe Superman's alter ego is a nerd with glasses?

…Nah.

No way.

-

**A/N**: Did you like? If you did, please review! And if you didn't, please review! If you're reviewing 'cause you didn't like it, though, please don't be too mean!

The next chapter, which I've just started typing, should probably have a warning label on it. Let's see… maybe something like…

"Warning!: Speedy being nice to Kid Flash!"

Yeah….


	7. The Wrath of Batman, Part Two

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects. Believe me. If she did, you'd know.

_**The Wrath of Batman**_

_or_

_**Falling: An Unfortunately Very True Story**_

_**PART TWO**_

_By Kid Flash_

I forget exactly who, but some random supervillain had been making especially enthusiastic threats to the security of the JLA Satellite lately. Because of this, the Flash was spending the night on the Satellite and, since I was still overly excited to spend time in outer space, I'd been allowed to stay with him.

So there we were in our quarters. The Flash was napping in his bed and I was sound asleep in mine, which was given a bit of privacy by a few partitions that had been set up upon my becoming an official superhero sidekick. It's still set up like that to this day and, not to brag, but it's totally awesome to have your own private space on a satellite.

It was probably about one in the morning when I heard someone whispering, "Hey. Hey, wake up."

Still kinda drowsy, I think I probably just mumbled and rolled over.

At that point, the voice seemed to think it was safe to change from "hey, wake up" to "yo, lightning breath".

Bad judgment on their part. Whoever it was got a fistful in the nose.

Whoever it was also must have had good self-control, because he—I'd determined that it was a "he" by this time—didn't exactly yell. He just hissed, "Owwww…!"

Now totally awake, I sat up and whispered, "Oh. It's you. Whaddya want?"

"If you think I'm gonna help you after you just socked me in the nose, you're nuts!" growled Speedy, one gloved hand massaging the sore area of his face.

"Well, _you_ called me 'lightning breath'," I replied. "C'mon—we'd better talk outside or we'll wake up Flash."

The archer harrumphed but led the way to the hall.

I like that word. "Harrumph". Especially when you roll the R. "Harrrrrrrrrumph"!

Um, anyway. Once in the hallway, Speedy stated, "I was _going to_ offer my services."

"What services? Being an idiot? Thanks, I don't need that."

Speedy made like he was going to punch me, but held back and said, "I _meant_ that I was gonna help you not get killed by Batman!"

"…You were?"

"Yeah! But since you _obviously_ don't want my help…"

"Wait-no-I-want-your-help-actu'lly-I-want-_anyone's_-help-but-you're-better-than-no-one-even-if-you're-really-mean-sometimes-so—!"

He interrupted, "I can't understand a word you're saying!"

"I _said_, I'll take any help I can get." Okay, stretching the truth a little bit there, but it was better than having _two_ people targeting me for murder.

A little shifty-eyed insect named "Suspicion" landed on my shoulder just then, prompting me to ask, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you offer to help me?"

"Hey, maybe I just feel like being nice," suggested the Californian.

"Oh, suuuure. There's gotta be something in it for _you_."

Rolling his eyes, Speedy said, "Look. I know you're really scared that Batman is gonna kill you and, since I know you'd do the same for me, I wanna help you stay alive." He grinned and admitted, "Hey, Batman creeps me out, too."

What I did next does not in any way, shape, or form represent what I would do now. Please keep that in mind.

I hugged Speedy and exclaimed, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Then I realized what I was doing and sprang about ten feet back. At the same time as I was springing back, the archer screeched, "Get offa me!" A few seconds after, he choked out, "_Never_ do that _again_!"

"I won't!" I managed to return fervently. "And if you tell anybody I hugged you, I'll punch your nose again!"

"Fine!" Speedy shot back.

"Good!"

We work so well together.


	8. The Wrath of Batman, Part Three

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects. If _you_ do, however, please feel free to share. (grin)

**Apology:** I'm really sorry this took so long! I hope it was worth the wait! And if it isn't... please don't be mad at me!!

_**The Wrath of Batman**_

_or_

_**Falling: An Unfortunately Very True Story**_

_**PART THREE**_

_By Kid Flash_

"Sooo…" I began, settling back into the armchair I had temporarily taken possession of.

"'Sooo…' what?" mumbled Speedy, not looking up from the notebook he was currently scribbling in as we sat in the study of the JLA satellite.

"Nothin'. Just felt like saying '_sooo_'."

"Weirdo," the archer muttered, leaning further over the desk he was sitting at.

"Thank you! Sooo—"

Speedy interrupted with a glare, practically daring me to say that I'd only used 'sooo' for some sort of strange amusement.

"No, this time I really actually wanna say something important," I assured him.

"Good," was the grumbled response as he returned to distractedly scrawling something in the pad.

"I wanna know what you're doodling."

"I don't doodle!" Speedy indignantly retorted. "Well, except during math class, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I'm _writing_ a list of things we can do to protect your L & L from Batman."

"Great!" Wait a minute…. "What's an 'L & L'?"

"Life and Limbs," he replied, pen still waggling across the paper. Frankly, I never would've thought that he'd have a pen with a fluffy dog glued to the top.

Then again, I wasn't much better. At that time, my favorite pen was one that Flash had given me on Easter—it was all covered with white fuzzies and topped with a little lamb. Its name was Fleece and it had little black beady eyes and legs made of thin rope…

…But we _really_ don't need to go digging through the past, do we? Too painful.

Oh, and just because I'm telling _you_ all about Fleece doesn't mean that Speedy knew about him—IT! Just an 'it', just a pen… just make sure you don't tell anyone about _it_!

So, having found a rare opportunity to tease the archer about his very un-cool pen, I definitely wasn't about to let it go.

"Where'd ya get the puppy?" I wondered with a grin.

"I—WHAT?!"

While Speedy 'WHAT?!'-ed, I cringed. My _gosh_, he had a shrieky voice before it started changing!

"It's not mine!" protested the archer. "It was the first thing I could find to write with here," he explained, practically giving the poor doggy a concussion as he knocked against the desk with the pen.

"Hmm," I hummed, smirking again.

"I mean it!"

"So you just… _found_ it there?"

"Yeah," he confirmed, tossing a glare in my direction before he began writing again.

I grinned. "Wonder whose it is."

"It—" Speedy broke off and his face rapidly spread into a definitively diabolical expression.

"Yeah," he agreed, all but snickering in his evil agreement. "Who'd own a fuzzy puppy pen?" mused the Californian, twirling said pen back and forth between his thumb and the rest of his fingers, making the dog plushie swing its arms around in a flailing manner.

Didn't know I had such an awesome vocabulary, did ya?

Temporarily forgetting about the poor, soon-to-be-murdered _me_, I began listing the potential puppy owners, and Speedy commentated on each name.

"Wonder Girl?"

"I've seen her pens. The closest thing she has to a puppy pen is a pen with a chameleon printed on it. It's really cool, too. Even changes colors."

"Cool! I gotta see it sometime. Anyway, what about… Wonder Woman?"

We exchanged a look before agreeing, "No."

I continued, "Alright, not Wonder Woman. Um… Aqualad?"

Speedy snorted, "He lives underwater. Why would he need a sopping-wet fuzzy-pen?"

"So that counts out Aquaman, too. How about Robin?"

"How about Batman?" the archer retorted.

We grinned wildly at each other. Wouldn't it be something if it _really was_ the Dark Knight's pen?

Finally, I stopped grinning and sighed, "I wish. Then maybe I'd have something to stop him from killing me."

Speedy was still smirking as he said, "You mean _leverage_. You keep quiet about the cute little puppy pen, he lets you live. Y'know, that's not such a bad idea…"

There was silence for a minute before I slowly asked, "Speedy… what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking," he beamed, "I'm a genius."

"But—you don't really think…?" I stared at the puppy and its sewn-on black eyes stared back.

"Well, do you _really_ think it belongs to a _superhero_ at all?" Speedy demanded excitedly. "It could be _anyone's_! Why _not_ Batman's?"

"You just answered your own question," I pointed out.

"I did?"

"He's _BATMAN_!" I clarified very loudly, shouting to make sure that the point had been driven through his thick skull.

"Well then, who _do_ you think owns it?" snapped Speedy.

_Um, uh, let's see, uh…_ I thought.

"See?! My point exactly!"

Speedy was starting to seriously scare me. Never mind the fact that he had just about the world's evilest grin plastered across his face—he honestly seemed to think that Batman owned a fuzzy puppy pen! And that in itself was pretty terrifying, even _without_ the mental image of the Bat holding a fluffy pen…

Okay, I _really_ did not need that image…

"You are about to owe me your life, Twinkletoes!" proclaimed Speedy, grabbing me by the wrist and yanking me over to the desk so that we were both looking at what I had just named the Notebook of Doom.

I gulped. If I was really, _really_, _really_, _**really**_, _**REALLY**_ lucky, I would live to see my next birthday.


	9. The Wrath of Batman, Part Four

**Disclaimer:** Lihau does not own anything in this story. Not even the puppy pen. That belongs to... well, you'll see.

**A/N:** Hey, this is Lihau! I just wanted to, of course, apologize for the long wait between chapters. -cough- More than a month. -cough- So, I'm sorry! Also, I didn't go crazy with the editing for this chapter, so please feel free to point out any spelling errors and I'll try to fix it. I hope you enjoy this chappy or chappie or however the heck you wanna spell it!!

_**The Wrath of Batman**_

_or_

_**Falling: An Unfortunately Very True Story**_

_**PART FOUR**_

_By Kid Flash_

That puppy was evil.

Evil, I say!

Sure, it may _look_ all cute and fuzzy, but there was no way in this existence that it was as innocent as it seemed! Anything that made Speedy and me work together willingly had to be either a goody-two-shoes angel or a pure-evil demon.

And that puppy pen was pure evil.

Why am I so down on the pen all of a sudden? Well, because right then it had somehow taken possession of both the archer's brain and mine and was helping us write a letter that looked suspiciously like some odd blackmail demand… to Batman!

Please, just kill me now.

Wait—did I say "the archer's brain and mine"? Ignore that.

We didn't have brains.

We were idiots.

We were trying to blackmail Batman.

_Please_ kill me now!

-

About an hour later, Speedy and I were almost finished our rough draft of… _that_ letter when the door to the study slid open. I practically fainted on the spot, and the Californian rapidly tore the paper into several pieces and stuffed them into his mouth, almost simultaneously slipping the EPP (Evil Puppy Pen) into his right boot.

If that was Batman at the door, I swore to myself that I—actually, I didn't swear anything to myself or to anybody else. I was too busy trying to stay conscious to think.

"What are you kids doing in here so late?" wondered our unexpected visitor—Superman!

"I know why _you_ are on the satellite," the Man of Steel continued to me before turning to Speedy, "but shouldn't _you_ be at home? And why are both of you awake?"

I couldn't even move my mouth at that point, let alone make some sort of noise.

On second thought, scratch that. I made a noise. In fact, it sounded vaguely like a mouse.

Superman raised an eyebrow at my little squeak, and looked back at the archer, asking, "Are you two okay?"

Speedy, face a weird shade of green thanks to the paper he still had stuck in his mouth, nodded squeamishly.

"Are you sure?" The Big Blue Boy Scout stepped closer to us. He apparently wasn't going to leave until he was certain that we were physically well and psychologically relatively stable.

"Yeah, we're good!" I finally managed to blurt out. "Neither of us could sleep so… Speedy snuck onto the satellite for something to do and I was awake, too, so we decided to just hang out a little."

Seeming slightly skeptical, Superman said to me, "I thought you said that you hated Speedy's guts." To Speedy, he added, "And _you_ said that you hated Kid's something-that-no-ten-year-old-should-ever-say."

Speedy managed a sickly but very broad close-mouthed smile, giving me a friendly pat on the back as if to say 'I changed my mind'.

"…Alright," Superman responded slowly. "I just forgot something in here. I'll poke around for a while, then I'll take you back home, okay, Speedy?"

The Californian nodded quickly.

"Okay." And Superman set to 'poking around'. Why he didn't use his X-ray vision and get it overwith was beyond me. Maybe he wanted to keep an eye on us suspicious-looking people for a while longer.

I grabbed the wastebasket next to the desk and held it up to Speedy's mouth, hissing, "Spit it out!"

Of course, it was at this moment that Superman decided to turn around and, seeing the trash can held up to the archer's mouth, naturally assumed that Speedy was feeling really sick and rushed over.

When I say "rushed", what I really mean is that he flew over so quickly that several books fell off their shelves from the suction he created. True story.

Deciding to put the older hero's mind at ease, Speedy blurted, "I'm fine."

…

"Oh my—what's that in your mouth?!" Superman cut himself off anxiously.

Speedy and I stared wide-eyed at each other. Finally, I said quickly, "In his mouth? …Teeth! Right! Teeth, tongue, gums… lemme-check."

I turned the archer's head to one side and opened his jaw. _Yuck!_ Gross in there. All the regular mouth-like stuff is bad enough, but with paper stuck in there?

_Ewwwww!_

Apparently, Superman had decided to use his X-ray vision by this time, because he remarked, "…Paper?" Much more sternly, he grabbed the trash can from me and held it up to Speedy, ordering, "Spit it out."

As soon as the archer had obeyed the command, Superman demanded, "What were you doing? You should know better than to put inedible things in your mouth!"

Mouth moving in several odd directions to remove all taste of paper, Speedy nodded before grimacing, "Yeah, I know…"

Trying to move the topic away from the letter, I asked Superman, "So-what-were-you-lookin'-for-anyway-huh?"

Looking very suspicious at the nervous question, he answered, "Just a present one of my coworkers gave me yesterday."

It was and still is kinda hard to imagine Superman having "coworkers", but hey. I guess that he has to have _some_ sort of day job since he doesn't get paid for being Superman.

"Really-what?" I wondered.

"Well, it was my two-year anniversary at my job, so one guy gave me a gag present—a fuzzy pen capped with a little puppy." He explained, "I want to make sure I get it back before someone like Green Arrow finds it and thinks that I actually bought it for myself."

Speedy and I looked at each other.

"What? Did you find it?"

With a defeated sigh, the Californian pulled the pen out of his boot and handed it over to its owner.

"Uh, thank you…" Superman said almost curiously, slipping the pen into his belt. "Well, now that I have the pen, you'd better go home," he advised Speedy. "Come on."

And thus my blackmailing career came to a screeching halt, slamming into a brick wall and ripping apart atom by atom. Actually, that sounded a lot like what Batman was probably gonna do to me….


	10. The Wrath of Batman, Part Five

**Disclaimer:** Lihau still does not own the Teen Titans or any related characters or objects.

**KF Note:** This is the last chapter of my story! Not the last chapter of the Uninspired Tales: Just the last chapter of "The Wrath of Batman". Please read, review, and, above all, enjoy!

_**The Wrath of Batman**_

_or_

_**Falling: An Unfortunately Very True Story**_

_**PART FIVE**_

_By Kid Flash_

"Am not!"

"Are so."

"Am not!"

"Are _so_."

"Amnotamnotamnotamnotam—!"

"ARE. SO."

Ah. The sounds of me and Robin fighting. How mature.

And scary. For someone who goes around in underwear and a cape that closely resemble the colors of a traffic light, the Boy Wonder could be painfully intimidating when he wanted to be. "Painfully" because he ended up literally twisting my arm behind my back to convince me to tell Batman that I'd found the Batcave.

Oh, right—you don't know when this is. Heh. Oops. This was the morning after Speedy and I had nearly blackmailed Batman with a fuzzy pen. If you have no idea of what I'm talking about here, please just read the last chapter. It's too painful to explain again.

Anyway, Robin, my **EX**-friend, was marching me down to the satellite's lab, where Batman was probably doing some weirdo chemical analysis thing.

Hm… maybe that would be how Batman would kill me—some sort of poison or chemical thing. Let's see… there was arsenic, carbon monoxide, or the ever-popular blowing-up of the unfortunately flammable guy with nitroglycerin.

All three sounded like a barrel of laughs. No, that was nitrous oxide, I think.

Let's just put it bluntly: All options stunk. There.

Speaking of "there", _there_ it was: the JLA Satellite Lab.

"Um, I gotta, uh, go someplace," I suddenly decided, pulling back as Robin attempted to drag me forward.

"Yeah. You do. The lab." And with one last, mighty tug, I'd been flung forth into the fiery furnace.

Try saying _that_ three times fast. _I_ can. Insert smug grin here.

Skidding to a stop about one foot away from the Dark Knight, I managed, "Eh… hi?"

The only reply I got was a dark, dark, dark, _really dark_ stare.

Robin stepped in then, prompting, "I think Kid Flash has something to tell you, Batman."

More indubitably dark staring at me.

"Yeah-yeah," I agreed quickly. "But, um, it can really wait. Yeah. It can wait! About ten years…"

"_Now_," the Boy Wonder ordered.

Great. Now _two_ people were giving me that dark-dark-dark stare. You'd think that these guys would learn that staring murderously at people doesn't help matters. Sure, it scares the stare-ee, but as for making 'em _talk_… not the best technique.

Sighing, Robin decided, "Fine. We'll do fill-in-the-blanks. Kid Flash 'blank'-ed the 'blank'. Now. KF. What do you think that first 'blank' should be?"

"Um… found?" I squeaked.

"Good. The second blank?"

…

"You know what that second blank should be, right?" Robin said, very slowly to make sure that I got the message.

I nodded.

"Good," he said. "Then just put it all together. _Slowly_."

After a couple of rushed 'please-don't-kill-me's, I said as slowly as I could manage, "I found-ed the Batcave."

Despite the grammar screw-up that came from using Robin's fill-in-the-blank sentence down to the T, I think the Bat understood. He stared a while longer before speaking, and he said, "I know."

"Please-don't-kill—wha?" I blinked.

"Huh?" Robin echoed my surprise.

"I know," Batman repeated. "Did you think I didn't?"

Robin nodded silently and I wondered, "How'd ya…?"

"Really, Kid Flash. Robin, I'm surprised at you. Did you think that I wouldn't have a few security cameras around?"

The walking traffic light dropped his head, slapping himself upside the head with one hand.

I stuttered, "Th-then h-how come I'm still alive?"

The Dark Knight put several questions to me. "Are you familiar with the Gotham City area?"

"Uh-uh."

"Do you know who lives just outside the city?"

"N-no."

"Do you think you could find your way there again?"

"I—" I stopped short. "No…"

"Then why should I kill you?"

I smiled goofily in relief. I wasn't gonna get killed!

"…Unless you find it again."

My smile disappeared promptly and I vowed hurriedly, "I-won'-do-it-again! I-promise—I-I-swear-I-won't!"

"Make sure you don't." And Batman turned back to his test tubes, commenting, "Robin, tonight we'll be reviewing _all_ security technology that we use."

Robin nodded dejectedly—probably thinking about the _looooooong_ night he had ahead of him—before he and I left the lab, finding Speedy outside.

"So, when ya gonna tell him?" the archer asked as the lab door slid shut behind us.

"I did," I stated.

"He did," confirmed Robin glumly. He grinned weakly. "Think I'll get a head start on that review. See ya next year." So he walked off to start his studying.

Speedy, meanwhile, was still just standing there, clearly dumbstruck by our announcement. He finally said, "But… you did?"

"Uh-huh," I bobbed my head up and down.

"But… but I don't see any blood."

I explained, "He knew that I'd found the Batcave the whole time."

"Oh." The Californian shrugged. "Sounds like a Batman-like thing to do. Well," he continued, "now that it's all over—" Here he grinned evilly. "—how 'bout you show me the Batcave?"

"Nooooo way!"

Looking decidedly disappointed, Speedy demanded, "Aw, why not?"

"I told Batman that I forgot where it was," I stated.

"You _told_ him?" repeated Speedy. He smirked again. "You _lied_ to him?"

"Only to keep from gettin' my head ripped off," I defended myself, starting down the hall on my way to the cafeteria.

"So you know where it is?" he pressed, following me.

"I think—no," I quickly changed my mind, shaking my head rapidly. "I don't remember. I'm gonna forget."

"If you're _gonna_ forget," pointed out the archer, "that means you still remember. So c'mon." He smiled wider. "Show me just once, really fast. You know—before you forget."

"Nonononononononononono—NO!" I started shaking my head again. "I'm not gonna show ya!" That said, I dashed off for the cafeteria, my favorite place on the satellite.

Ah, the cafeteria! There it was! My home away from my home away from home, which can be loosely translated as the cafeteria being my home away from the Flash's quarters on the satellite, which is my first home away from home.

If that confused you… you're not alone. That even confused me. So I'd better sign off before I confuse myself anymore.

I know this is a lame ending, but if I don't end it _right now_ this story will probably last another ten or twelve chapters, and my fingers already hurt from typing all this. Maybe that's just because I spilled some soda on the keyboard and got it all sticky, but… enough sidetracking!

This is the end. The END I say!

**The End**

Thank you.


End file.
